The man I am -- 18th July, 2013

I am a man given to simple things. I like the quiet things in life, that some might choose not to think about, or to take for granted. I like that quiet comfort of the presence of someone close. I seek not any warmth, neither emotional, nor otherwise, but I do seek a cool sense of ease from the mere fact of someone being there -- the way two men might take a long walk, and find ease in simply having a fellow walker for company, all without exchanging a word, nor a glance. For me, happiness is not about the joy of doing something legendary, but rather, about doing mundane things around those I would consider close. I do not mean close in the sense of having close friends, for even among the friends around whom little is sacred there are limitations, and there are things that even when shared will not bring a sense of ease. I, rather, mean closeness derived from the company of one who has been rendered comfortable with the kind of person I am, to the point of wanting to have understanding for places where I have been.   I do not mean to say that I would like my life to be filled with the banal, the mundane, for it is I who seeks, who ventures out for new experiences. I find joy in being in situations varied and new, and I find a thrill, a chilled sense of excitement in breaking out of routine. I find joy in leaving aside a 4 hour bus ride, and instead, taking 3 different trains, so that I may explore different new cities along the way, always having that tension of what train schedules I might find at the station, on each leg of the way. I find joy in being dropped with a friend in a part of the city that I had never been to, at night, so that we may walk, meet people, and hop from café to café, bar to bar, as we go our merry way.   I do not mean to say that I am entirely tame, either, for parachuting and parkour are part of my repertoire, and bouldering and downhill skiing are in my forte. I do not mean to say that I am very extreme, for in matters of safety and caution I may be a little too keen. I do, however, through long developed skills, find ease in acts that for my friends would give chills. It is not that in these acts I choose to be thrilled, for I mostly enjoy either that elated sense of being in getting to a high place and just being there, or in that sensation of just having done something visceral, a feeling so shrill.   As for what I seek, I seek very intermittently those pursuits of shrills, and in these extreme ways I find my joys in things that are demanding to the point of near misery. I seek mostly, though, that quiet comfort in a close one’s company. As for how I would want to go about securing such people, and to keep them happy, I would seek to do that through the pursuits of building new things and keeping an eye on materials and optics – my two childhood passions, and things that I still find tremendous warmth in – for in the success of long drawn efforts in these things I find a sense of satisfaction so wild that it cannot be tamed even by the feeling of that rushing by of the face of a boulder as I speed up, after having just jumped off.   Indeed, I like quiet things. It is just that I like to break that routine with things that demand, by being in their very nature visceral.