The man I am -- 18th July, 2013

I am a man given to simple things. I like the quiet things in life, that some might choose not to think about, or to take for granted. I like that quiet comfort of the presence of someone close. I seek not any warmth, neither emotional, nor otherwise, but I do seek a cool sense of ease from the mere fact of someone being there -- the way two men might take a long walk, and find ease in simply having a fellow walker for company, all without exchanging a word, nor a glance. For me, happiness is not about the joy of doing something legendary, but rather, about doing mundane things around those I would consider close. I do not mean close in the sense of having close friends, for even among the friends around whom little is sacred there are limitations, and there are things that even when shared will not bring a sense of ease. I, rather, mean closeness derived from the company of one who has been rendered comfortable with the kind of person I am, to the point of wanting to have understanding for places where I have been.   I do not mean to say that I would like my life to be filled with the banal, the mundane, for it is I who seeks, who ventures out for new experiences. I find joy in being in situations varied and new, and I find a thrill, a chilled sense of excitement in breaking out of routine. I find joy in leaving aside a 4 hour bus ride, and instead, taking 3 different trains, so that I may explore different new cities along the way, always having that tension of what train schedules I might find at the station, on each leg of the way. I find joy in being dropped with a friend in a part of the city that I had never been to, at night, so that we may walk, meet people, and hop from café to café, bar to bar, as we go our merry way.   I do not mean to say that I am entirely tame, either, for parachuting and parkour are part of my repertoire, and bouldering and downhill skiing are in my forte. I do not mean to say that I am very extreme, for in matters of safety and caution I may be a little too keen. I do, however, through long developed skills, find ease in acts that for my friends would give chills. It is not that in these acts I choose to be thrilled, for I mostly enjoy either that elated sense of being in getting to a high place and just being there, or in that sensation of just having done something visceral, a feeling so shrill.   As for what I seek, I seek very intermittently those pursuits of shrills, and in these extreme ways I find my joys in things that are demanding to the point of near misery. I seek mostly, though, that quiet comfort in a close one’s company. As for how I would want to go about securing such people, and to keep them happy, I would seek to do that through the pursuits of building new things and keeping an eye on materials and optics – my two childhood passions, and things that I still find tremendous warmth in – for in the success of long drawn efforts in these things I find a sense of satisfaction so wild that it cannot be tamed even by the feeling of that rushing by of the face of a boulder as I speed up, after having just jumped off.   Indeed, I like quiet things. It is just that I like to break that routine with things that demand, by being in their very nature visceral.

For my Brother's 19th Birthday

In about a day you turn 19 -- your last year as a teen. Two years later you're 21 -- a young adult! No more spoon feeding, no more babying, no more pampering. You'll be looking out to the world, and you'll be looking for things to do, places to find, people to meet, a person to be. As you see more you'll learn more about yourself -- you'll find you like new things, and you'll find you enjoy new feelings. You'll also have strife, but you'll strive, and you'll thrive. Don't let anyone with-hold you, don't let anyone tell you you can't. You've come a long way since the day I taught you to spell. You've learned to put up with the impatience with which people give you hell. You've learned how to voice what object you demand, you know how to make a stand -- now let your stubbornness push you through when anyone dares to tell you you can't. The world's yours for the taking --all you need to learn (to find out) is where, whom and what to ask, so that you may get what you desire: be it the desire to be heard, or something, some journey, some way of life you demand.

Chill, Bro, you have a lot to think about in the bright days and the long, lonely nights coming up. There is so much you want, so much you can get, so much you deserve, and so much for you to serve. It's a world of juggling and balancing out there, and with sheer power of will you can get through anything.Learn from Dad -- to keep calm, to find clarity of mind in turmoil and duress. Learn from Mom -- to use almost God-forsaken will to find ways to make progress. Learn from them, learn from everyone, learn from all in what in them is best, and acknowledge flaws -- in others and especially yourself, for only when you find ways in which you could be better can you think of ways to better yourself. I know things can be hard -- places to go where you don't want to go, people to meet whom you don't want to meet, things you do because that's what you were taught, but things which hurt and make no sense, temptations to face, temptations to resist while yet not comprehending what perils in them persist -- and yet, with so much that's wrong in your world, in the worlds of those around you, in the worlds of those who affect you, effect you, mould you, influence you; even then there is so much joy, so much warmth, so much serenity, tranquility and peace. Bro, the thing that I've learned, and only in just about the span of just the last year, is that once you've found joy, once you've found that human connection -- with people, with someone -- you'll find that you've found everything you ever thought you wanted, and that you won't find yourself feeling hollow, misunderstood, miserable, unwanted, nor alone; and you'll find that you you'll find a new focus in life; not an MO of getting away from what's bothering you, nor finding a breathless ecstasy in turpidity, certainly not a misguided hedonism; for you'll find that you're truly capable of being happy -- that you can find in a person, an action or a place a means of making everything else melt away. The only thing you have to do is to be out there, in the heart of it all, to be masterful in your craft -- whatever you may choose that to be -- so that you may be noticed by the right people, given the right opportunities, and guided the right way, even if that way is far different from what you've been taught at home, so that you become someone desirable to someone you may one day like, so that you may find in that person hopes and joys. The only thing you have to do is to start stepping out there. Go, see what you want, see what people do, see what of those actions you would like to do, and then don't take no for an answer -- go all in and find any means necessary to join in that course of action. You may fail today, you may fail tomorrow, but so what? The failures will never matter the day you get what you want. It's what you want that matters -- the road is just secondary.Enjoy your time, Bro. Have deep, meaningful thoughts. Enjoy joyful company. Have fun. I wish you well, my friend. May you be properly guided, and blessed; and if there is something that you want to do, or something you want, and you want to know how to go about it, then holler at this Brother at once! Cheers!